How To Deal With Disloyal “Friends”
Friendships are always an interesting topic because everyone has or had a friend at some point in their lives. We all have cute names for friends like “buddy”, “bestie” and the infamous “BFF” which kinda solidify the level of friendship we’ve got with one another. If you are reading this, I know that you expect to read powerful words about letting go, forgiving and seeking people who value friendship as much as you do. Well, this just might be that.
I have said this severally and I will repeat it again; I am no expert in matters life, love or friendships apart from nursing which is my profession and still even in that I ain’t no expert and I learn something new err day. So before you judge me or label me a “know it all” on matters friendships, get this, this blog is for meant to share my two cents, experiences and ventures. I write on things that I can relate to and I give my unsolicited advice on anything that I write on.
So I’ll jump right in, this particular article was inspired by my good friend Silas. I have known Silas for a few years now, he’s an amazing friend who has my back and I love him to death. During one of our chats he hit me up with this……..”You should write something about disloyal friends, friends who betray the people who have been there for them. I’ve been betrayed by someone I trusted and supported but I am not surprised by him, I am shocked that I thought he would be different with me because I knew who he was’.
Every once in a while we tend to have a falling out with people we didn’t expect to ever lose. If I may say, successful friendships are not guaranteed anymore. That’s a fact. You might invest all your body and soul in one and still end up disappointed. Some will say that you didn’t love/value yourself enough to be in one. Might be true for some. But what about those who are perfectly self-confident and loving themselves everyday? I might have a quick answer to this : You deserve better; just saying!!. Oh and by the way, relationships are not based on trade; relationships are built to share.
Speaking of sharing, are you ever in a situation where you find yourself oversharing information with your “BFF” only for you to get a drop of information about them? I used to be an “over-sharer” (If there’s such a word), I believed that a problem shared is a problem half solved. Having disloyal friends made me change that whole perception. Nowadays I tend to share what I need a second and third opinion on and just not every aspect of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I still share my personal problems with my very close friends….all 3 of them LOL!
Loyalty is defined as “the state or quality of being loyal; faithfulness to commitments or obligations.”In my opinion; “Loyalty has an expiration date”. I get it, you want to keep a friendship because of what was shared or what made you want them as a friend in the first place. However, what should you do when you realize that what you used to value in them doesn’t matter because of the weight of what makes you doubt their loyalty now? Just in case you are not sure, this is how you know:
1.You can’t count on them, no need to explain it.
2. You question their friendship thus loyalty and commitment to you
3.You cannot trust them
Expiration date means that it is no longer disposable. There comes a time when a friendship can no longer be and from there, here is what you must determine:
- Can I do something to make the relationship better?
- Have I already tried to communicate/fix the issue the best I could. Is the other person trying to save the friendship as well?
- What will change if I cut the friendship?
- Is the relationship bringing me closer to happiness or sadness?
Take your time — These answers are the key to your own peace. All you need is make sure that you keep your happiness, fulfillment and peace. No one should be an obstacle to a better version of yourself. No one!! Have you heard about the “people have seasons in your life theory”?. I will not deny that. Actually, I want you to understand how much I believe in this theory. My understanding is that some people are with you for a certain period of time and depending on both of your mindsets and what friendship means for you, life will hold you together..…or not. Once you get to understand this, you rarely beat yourself up just because a friendship has gone soar. I personally save friendships that I believe in, those that were more of a burden I don’t really give too much thought about them.
Throwing out people might hurt, but remember that nothing lasts too long. As I said earlier, it is necessary to KNOW what you really want. Through their lack of respect and loyalty, you learned more about yourself too…RIGHT?. You learnt what YOU can deal with and what you can’t, what YOU expect from a friend and what you never want to encounter again.
Yes, the relationship was great. But are stress,confusion and doubt worth It when you are supposed to be genuinely happy with who you are spending your time with? You have to accept it in order to go further in life, otherwise you will be stuck at the same stage, wondering why he/ she/ THEM left.
I want you to keep in mind that just like you change, the people surrounding you change as well. The fact that you can’t relate to them anymore is evidence of the fact that your needs have upgraded through time and that you have new expectations from someone you call a FRIEND.
You deserve better. When you know better, you do better as Maya Angelou would say. I would even add : When you know better, you WANT better. Being uncomfortable somewhere is your mind telling you that you MUST know/do better than that. Why would you stay somewhere you are not growing while giving and receiving love?
Friendship is a commitment. If they can’t provide and be loyal to it, they have to go. Please, do that for yourself. Your-Own-Self. Meditate and pray about it. Nothing is ever too much for someone looking for peace. Tell them bye! and if they were already out, don’t let them in : You already know what to expect from them, just like you NOW know what to expect from the one you call a friend.